501st Exit Strategies
by TessaFred
Summary: Based off a chapter from my other story, Operation Captain and Commander First Date. Exit Strategies created by the 501st battalion in response to the unusual situations they encounter; from pranks gone wrong to random explosions.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Hello Dear Readers! This is from my other story "Operation Captain and Commander First Date", chapter 20. You don't have to read the story to understand, but please go check it out!**

 **This is a list of the Exit Strategies of the 501st, combined from all their common or unusual situations.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own. Enough said.**

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 **Exit Strategy #1:** During live fire exercises, if someone suggests an 'unconventional' use for their weapon, they're going to try and fire a grenade from their DC15. Evacuate the range and quickly extract the weapon from the cracked brother and send him to the medics for a mental evaluation.

 **Exit Strategy #2:** If you manage to tick off a whole nest of Loth-cats, do not stun them, that only makes them angrier. Instead slowly back away from the nest, then turn and run. If pursued, throw bits of ration bar behind you to distract them. Then go and review the wildlife data bank.

 **Exit Strategy #3:** If you manage to tick off a whole nest of unknown, huge, crawling insects, start climbing nearby trees, climb as high as you can and stay silent.

 **Exit Strategy #4:** If someone, especially a brother with a wicked grin, offers you a weird smelling drink, either take it and dispose of it in a biohazard container, or throw it back in their face if they refuse to drink it first.

 **Exit Strategy #5:** When the blast doors open to a supposedly clear hallway, throw multiple grenades and take cover. If pursued by the enemy while this happens, throw more explosives and run throw the destruction, taking out as many enemies as you can.

 **Exit Strategy #6:** When swarmed by biting or stinging insects, don't start randomly shooting at them or setting things on fire. Keep your helmet on and stay out of swampy water. If you still can't get rid of them, rub mud on your armor.

 **Exit Strategy #7:** When someone gets in your face and starts talking in a language you don't understand, don't assume they are asking you to dance. Instead hold up your hands in a nonthreatening manner and back away.

 **Exit Strategy #8:** Always bring extra medical supplies and rappel line for when the Jedi Generals throw you across chasms and the landing is less than graceful.

 **Exit Strategy #9:** If the ground starts shaking and you can smell sulfur, run for cover; something's about to explode.

 **Exit Strategy #10:** If you heard strange popping and/or hissing sounds coming from the refreshers, stay away, keep others away, and call for maintenance, even if it's a prank; we don't need people dying of electrocution.

 **Exit Strategy #11:** If an entire bar silences and turns to stare at you or your brothers, say nothing, slowly raise your hands, and watching each other's backs, slowly back out of the establishment. Once outside, don't turn your back but move quickly down the block, constantly looking over your shoulders for at least two blocks, four blocks to be safe.

 **Exit Strategy #12:** If unusual or suspicious sounds or curses can be heard halfway down the hall or something smells weird or the hallway is filled with gasses or smoke; don't create a spark and quickly find a superior and a medic and direct them to the hallway in question.

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 **AN: That's it for now. I have plans for two more chapters to keep in line with the number I quoted in my story. If this is a big success I might try to add to it. Let me know how you liked it and if I should do more!**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Hello! Back with the second part of exit strategies! I'm so glad so many people have liked this story! I hope this second chapter makes everyone laugh as hard as the first one!**

 **Disclaimer: My lack of ownership hasn't changed since the last time I posted.**

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 **Exit Strategy #13:** If brothers around you are being taken by unknown flying creatures, shot the wings to save the stolen, then scatter and crouch low behind trees and other foliage; the bugs will leave you alone, and you now are also better concealed from the enemy

 **Exit Strategy #14:** DO NOT shove brothers down or out of the way when running from a flaming inferno barreling after you. Instead, grab them and all of you run like _haran_.

 **Exit Strategy #15:** When finding a suspicious looking package or object against the compound wall, or any other place for that matter, do not poke it with your gun or any other object. Instead, watch your step, look for disturbed dirt to indicate pressure plates, and find a superior, explosive expert, or if you can, the bomb squad; they all know what to do, you probably don't. And if a brother is poking it with his gun but reassuring you he knows what's he doing, he doesn't, and you should probably move away quickly and find help.

 **Exit Strategy #16:** Vents, if they are big enough, are a wonderful way to escape enemy hallway and room scans. Most droids don't go into the vents, so they forget to scan them; just make sure to close the vent cover for when the patrol comes by.

 **Exit strategy #17:** ARC or Commandos are messing with explosives and things are about to go south, so for your own safety, run like _haran_ away from them and the explosion that is sure to follow.

 **Exit Strategy #18:** Do not activate magnetic treads on icy surfaces, it doesn't actually work, instead, if no snow gear is available, dig your heels in before each step. If you're running from the enemy, dig in your heel with the first step, and push off and start running from there. Just be careful not to slid too hard into other brothers, or inanimate objects when you try and stop.

 **Exit Strategy #19:** If there is a flash flood coming your way, get to higher ground. Use rappel lines to help each other, or boost each other up and pull the others up. Throw each other up to higher ground if there is no other options; but only do the throwing if you're attached to a line or can quickly make an escape.

 **Exit Strategy #20:** If you find yourself captured and without weapons, do not tell your captors you can shoot bullet from your mouth or nose. That stunt will get everyone searched and some of us have hidden lock picking tools so we can actually get out of the cuffs. Instead be the smart person who hides lock picks or other small tools in the sole of their boots or the inside of your armor plates so we can all get free faster.

 **Exit Strategy #21:** When you find yourself on a overhanging platform, with the enemy not far behind, see if there are platform supports underneath the platform and within reach, and if there are, ease yourself over the side and grab onto the support. If there are multiple of you, try to hang on different supports, and if that's not an option, hang down from the platform, away from each other so there's less chance of being seen.

 **Exit Strategy #22:** Unless instructed to do so, do not run towards the sound of warning sirens. Especially if they are self-destruct warning sirens; if you hear those, start blasting and sprinting your way out of the building and a safe distance away, preferably while warning brothers on the outside and the ones you pass on your way to safety.

 **Exit Strategy #23:** If a fight breaks out in a bar between a fellow trooper and another patron, trooper or otherwise, and things are quickly escalating into a mini bar war, grab a few other troopers if they're nearby and cause a distraction long enough for you to grab the offending brother(s) and make your escape. This could be standing on something and yelling "The MP's or Cops are coming!", "Oh no! It's the General!", plain out screaming, or anything that will give you and the others enough time to get free.

 **Exit strategy #24:** When trapped between a closed or locked door and a hoard of angry rancors, throw flash-bangs to disorient the rancors while simultaneously hacking or blowing open the doors to make your escape.

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 **AN: Hope you guys liked this second chapter as much as the first. I have plans for one more chapter, but if it's such a big hit and people request more chapters I can work on updating the list from time to time.**

 _ **Haran-**_ **Hell**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Sorry it's been a little while! I was away at camp for a week and just got back. Here is the last planned installment of Exit Strategies. I may do more once in awhile if I time. However, I leave for school in three weeks and my life is going to get super crazy, so please be patient because I probably won't be able to update for a while.**

 **Disclaimer: I'm a broke student, if I had enough money to buy Star Wars… I'd probably pay for school first.**

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 **Exit strategy #25:** Always carry extra repel line incase you have to rappel down a level or two to reach a safe gangway when yours is blown up.

 **Exit strategy #26:** Always make sure more than one person knows the schematics of the building you are storming incase someone with the schematics is stupid enough to end up unconscious!

 **Exit strategy #27:** When trying to under a platform, activate magnetized treads to hang upside down or use repel line to have multiple people cling to.

 **Exit Strategy #28:** If you find yourself or your unit surrounded by battle droids, you're low on ammo, but there's a densely wooded area or forest nearby, split up into groups of two or three and scatter, forcing the droids to separate, and pick up off from underbrush or trees.

 **Exit Strategy #29:** If you and your squad are sweeping a building and you smell something funny, and not strange food funny, or something clicks when you move it, find the nearest exit, be it window, door, or the way you came in, and leave. Quickly.

 **Exit Strategy #30:** If you can hear your CO's cursing from down the hallway, or see them with a particularly dark and creepy gleam in their eyes: 1. If you can't avoid them, salute and stand at attention until they pass so they're less likely to snap at you. 2. Duck into whatever room is closest to you and wait until they are safely down the hall before exiting the room and walking in the opposite direction. 3. Turn back the way you came and stay out of range of their wrath.

 **Exit Strategy #31:** When trying to escape the enemy in an open field or desert, in an open field, try and find a ditch to lay in and cover yourself with dirt. In a desert, hide behind a dune and try and bury most of yourself in the sand.

 **Exit Strategy #32:** If someone yells fire, even if they are known for pulling pranks, get out of the building. If they're telling the truth, be glad you left the building. If they're lying and actually pulling a prank, you are automatically given permission to kick his _shebs_.

 **Exit Strategy #33:** During live-fire exercises with explosives, if a brother drops something and curses as it happens, drop your weapon, sprint like _haran_ from the range and close the blast doors behind you. If the brother who dropped the live explosive is standing there like an _di'kut_ , shoulder carry his _shebs_ out of there.

 **Exit Strategy #34:** If someone tell you "Go on it'll be funny", especially if natives say it then say something to their buddies, fake a com call from a superior, medical or squad emergency, or any other plausible excuse to get yourself out of the situation because it will NOT be funny, somebody will get hurt, probably you.

 **Exit Strategy #35:** If your gunship catches fire in the air, wait as long as you can to get closer to the ground then jump and roll out of your fall. Bonus points to those who scream the loudest and most like a terrified child, even though they are perfectly fine. Just make sure the people screaming aren't actually injured

 **Exit Strategy #36:** In any circumstance, if someone comes running towards you, screaming and flailing around like a deranged _utreekov_ , something has gone wrong or they're trying to warn you of something. First grab the brother, and stop him from flailing, especially during battle or on the field, then try and find the cause of the brother's flailing. Chances are you'll probably want to start running away.

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 **I hope you guys like it! I thought these were fun to do and I hope you guys found them just as funny!**

 _ **Utreekov**_ **\- Moron**

 _ **Shebs**_ **\- Backside**

 _ **Di'kut**_ **\- Idiot**

 _ **Haran**_ **\- Hell**


End file.
